USC Cheats to Win, Still Loses

Who let the dogs air out? Well if you ask USC head coach Lane Kiffin, the culprit in the mystery of who purposely deflated footballs before last weeks USC-Oregon game, was a lowly student-manager acting completely on his/her own. That seems unlikely.

Are you having a hard time believing this story too? I can't imagine a "student-manager" taking it upon himself to fix a game of this magintude for two reasons:

1. Someone might (and they did) notice that the air in the football isn't quite up to par. Kudos to the referees on this one for recognizing this diabolical plan.

2. Is a student-manager, someone at the bottom of the totem pole, really going to jeapordize his future in the sport by doing something so ridiculously stupid? I understand being a die-hard fan and all, but the risks here far outweigh the benefits.

I find this explanation far more likely. Lane Kiffin has had a pretty rough season so far. I for one don't think he is in any danger of being fired or anything, but his name has been tossed around as being on the possible hot seat at the end of the year. USC has failed miserably to live up to pre-season expectations, and a win over the No. 3 team in the country would have been huge. Sure, the Trojans BCS title hopes have crashed, burned, rolled over, and sunk to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, but beating the rival Ducks and spoiling their title hopes would have gone a long way.

This is how it all played out to me.

INT
Coach Kiffin walks into a quiet equipment room and strikes up a conversation with the student manager in question.

Kiffin: So, Timmy is it? How do you like working for the mighty USC Trojans so far?

Timmy: Uh, it's great coach. It's been my lifelong dream.

Kiffin: Well then you probably know that we've got a big game coming up this week huh?

Timmy: Oh yeah, Oregon's going to be a tough team to beat. Real tough.

Kiffin: Yup. So then, I guess you know what you have to do, don't you?

Then Kiffin grabs a football off a nearby shelf, pulls a knife out of his pocket, and stabs it directly into the football. A whooshing noise fills the quiet room as the air rushes out of the ball. Kiffin puts a hand on the young man's shoulder.

Kiffin: You know son, if we lose this one, I might have to fire my old man. You don't want me to have to fire my old man do you?

Timmy: No sir.

Kiffin: Good. I knew you didn't. Now, let's go grab a taco.

And with that, the game plan to take down the Oregon Ducks was put into motion. At least, that's how I see it.

That's all folks. I'll have a preview of the Alabama-Texas A&M game tomorrow.

Until next time, Roll Tide.